Memories of a Domestic Violence Shelter Volunteer in the mid-1980s
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The mid-1980s were fraught with the anxiety of the beginning of the Reagan Presidency and how social programs and progressive politics would be affected. The chilling effect was incredible. Organizations and political bookstores disappeared as Conservatives took power. Things were changing and I decided to direct my energy towards helping the most vulnerable which as always were women and children. They were under attack with budgets being slashed for supplemental food, public schools, and safety net programs. The Reagan Administration tried to have ketchup declared a vegetable so they could remove vegetables from the School Lunch Program. They lost that vote. It was in this atmosphere that the need for volunteers increased and so it was there that I directed my energy.
A Safe House is different than a Battered Women Shelter because the address is hidden and women would get picked up and brought into the house. They did not get the address until they were approved. I signed up for the training.
I was a Domestic Violence Survivor and thought my experience would give me an inside perspective. The volunteers did not need to be survivors and at my training very few had ever experienced DV. At the time, the staff who themselves had been battered women, were being pushed out by the more educated Ivy League social worker types. They intended to help the "down trodden" with their knowledge. I was not in that group. As we went around the table to introduce ourselves it became apparent that any woman who had relationships with men were going to have to defend themselves about sleeping with the enemy. It was an unpleasant lead up to my introduction, but unlike the other heterosexual women my political organizing work (9to5 Organization of Women Office Workers, Boston Alliance Against Registration & the Draft, The Anti War Organizing League & The Adoption Triangle, etc.) kept me from attack.
The Safe house was a fairly nondescript building on a shabby street in Cambridge. Women would call, a volunteer or one of the small staff would approve their entry or not. Then someone would go get then and bring them in. They were to tell no one where they were and they could not give any phone numbers out and had to go to a pay phone to make calls. This was to protect themselves and others. Women could bring their children. However, only boys under 10 were allowed since they could be near the size of an adult man. This could be quite threatening if they modeled the behavior of an abuser. The other rule was that NO women connected to the Mafia could be included. If they ran and the men wanted them back, they would kill or destroy anyone or anything in their path. It had happened once. The brave shelter staff had already moved her. They held them off, but unfortunately they caught up with her. I remember she was never seen again.
A Safe House is different than a Battered Women Shelter because the address is hidden and women would get picked up and brought into the house. They did not get the address until they were approved. I signed up for the training.
I was a Domestic Violence Survivor and thought my experience would give me an inside perspective. The volunteers did not need to be survivors and at my training very few had ever experienced DV. At the time, the staff who themselves had been battered women, were being pushed out by the more educated Ivy League social worker types. They intended to help the "down trodden" with their knowledge. I was not in that group. As we went around the table to introduce ourselves it became apparent that any woman who had relationships with men were going to have to defend themselves about sleeping with the enemy. It was an unpleasant lead up to my introduction, but unlike the other heterosexual women my political organizing work (9to5 Organization of Women Office Workers, Boston Alliance Against Registration & the Draft, The Anti War Organizing League & The Adoption Triangle, etc.) kept me from attack.
The Safe house was a fairly nondescript building on a shabby street in Cambridge. Women would call, a volunteer or one of the small staff would approve their entry or not. Then someone would go get then and bring them in. They were to tell no one where they were and they could not give any phone numbers out and had to go to a pay phone to make calls. This was to protect themselves and others. Women could bring their children. However, only boys under 10 were allowed since they could be near the size of an adult man. This could be quite threatening if they modeled the behavior of an abuser. The other rule was that NO women connected to the Mafia could be included. If they ran and the men wanted them back, they would kill or destroy anyone or anything in their path. It had happened once. The brave shelter staff had already moved her. They held them off, but unfortunately they caught up with her. I remember she was never seen again.
Like all volunteers I answered the phones and spoke to terrified, tearful women that wanted help. They needed to gather information (bank statements, birth certificates for them and their children, Social Security Cards), as well as, how to plan their escape. Some women climbed out bathroom windows with their kids, some left the minute they were left alone, some fled their State and came North to Massachusetts to get away. One poor woman had her Mother turn her into her abuser because he showed up crying and sorrowful (never trust a crying, begging man). He was pleading for the return of his “beloved”, only to track her down and drag her back. He then beat the woman and the children again. Others had to escape violent family members who beat them when their husbands were deployed in the military. (this could be a brother or father)
It became apparent that the shelter was used primarily by women of color. In approximately 1986 I started the 1st Battered Women Support Group in Cambridge. It was all white women. I assumed it was because those women had houses and status to lose. They wanted to continue the relationship before abandoning their lifestyle. All the women knew it was incredibly dangerous to leave, and that they could be tracked down, possibly killed.
A dramatic incident occurred when I was home, not on my shift. The phone rang — the shelter staff were pleading with me to go to the safe house. There had been a crazy incident where two women had been allowed to come into the house by a hot-line volunteer. They were strippers/dancers trying to flee a violent situation. One was the girlfriend of the nephew of the Boston Mob Boss. She had their baby son with her. The person who did the intake obviously did not understand the seedy underbelly of management at the "dancing" clubs in the Combat Zone. The women didn't volunteer the above information nor were they asked about it. There was no proper intake.
The two dancers were there about 7 days. While at the shelter, the one with the baby would go out shopping or to coffee shops where she bumped into someone from the strip club (a shocking coincidence). She was so happy to see a friendly face. They had coffee and he asked her to come meet him the next day, which she did. She did not have the baby with her either time. Eventually, he followed her and reported back to his bosses. The Mob guys showed up at the shelter demanding that she come out with the baby or they would burn it to the ground. She went out to them with the baby. They beat her with baseball bats, threw her in the back of the van, and left.
It became apparent that the shelter was used primarily by women of color. In approximately 1986 I started the 1st Battered Women Support Group in Cambridge. It was all white women. I assumed it was because those women had houses and status to lose. They wanted to continue the relationship before abandoning their lifestyle. All the women knew it was incredibly dangerous to leave, and that they could be tracked down, possibly killed.
A dramatic incident occurred when I was home, not on my shift. The phone rang — the shelter staff were pleading with me to go to the safe house. There had been a crazy incident where two women had been allowed to come into the house by a hot-line volunteer. They were strippers/dancers trying to flee a violent situation. One was the girlfriend of the nephew of the Boston Mob Boss. She had their baby son with her. The person who did the intake obviously did not understand the seedy underbelly of management at the "dancing" clubs in the Combat Zone. The women didn't volunteer the above information nor were they asked about it. There was no proper intake.
The two dancers were there about 7 days. While at the shelter, the one with the baby would go out shopping or to coffee shops where she bumped into someone from the strip club (a shocking coincidence). She was so happy to see a friendly face. They had coffee and he asked her to come meet him the next day, which she did. She did not have the baby with her either time. Eventually, he followed her and reported back to his bosses. The Mob guys showed up at the shelter demanding that she come out with the baby or they would burn it to the ground. She went out to them with the baby. They beat her with baseball bats, threw her in the back of the van, and left.
I got a call asking me to go to the shelter as no one else was able to go. The women were hysterical with fear. They needed someone to assess the situation and find out what in Goddess name had occurred. So I went. It was evening and I did the secret knock. I told them to bring the other dancer to the office so we could talk. I explained to her that I wasn't part of the overeducated upper class women that she could lie to. I was “street smart”. She then told me about the connection to the Mob and that they wanted the mother and baby back. I asked her if we moved her to another Safe House in another part of the State, or out of State, would they follow her. She said no. I called a staff member with the update who said she would work on that right away and the dancer would be moved the next day.
It was a tense four hours. The house was on lockdown. Everyone settled down and things got quiet. We watched out the windows to see if the Mob Enforcers would come back. They didn't come out of their Black Cadillacs, but they did drive by periodically for a few hours like sharks. We stayed in with lights out. After they were gone for a couple of hours I got in my car and went home, looking over my shoulders as I drove.
The woman was moved. As far as I know she was safe. I never heard about the other poor girl and her baby. It was stressful; after another crazy experience I volunteered to start the Battered Women Support Group. By the way, the other volunteer was re-trained and I was assigned to instruct her.
It was a tense four hours. The house was on lockdown. Everyone settled down and things got quiet. We watched out the windows to see if the Mob Enforcers would come back. They didn't come out of their Black Cadillacs, but they did drive by periodically for a few hours like sharks. We stayed in with lights out. After they were gone for a couple of hours I got in my car and went home, looking over my shoulders as I drove.
The woman was moved. As far as I know she was safe. I never heard about the other poor girl and her baby. It was stressful; after another crazy experience I volunteered to start the Battered Women Support Group. By the way, the other volunteer was re-trained and I was assigned to instruct her.
Presently, we find ourselves with less shelter space in an environment of shifting and changing laws on many fronts. Transition House still exists, and continues to serve the DV community, but has moved and now closes at 5:00pm. Their address is now published, thus it is not technically a safe house as it was in the late seventies and eighties. The Cambridge Women’s Center is still in existence and has a Trauma Support/Discussion Group. They may address more than Domestic Violence as a lived experience. Times change and groups do, too.
Bio: Susan Nolan-Bannon is a long time activist starting in the late 1970s with 9 to5 Women Office Workers, Boston Alliance Against Registration & the Draft (BAARD), and the Anti-War Organizing League (AWOL).
Also, the Adoption Connection/Triangle (Boston Chapter), Transition House (DV Shelter), started Domestic Violence Support Group (Cambridge Women Center), Boston Citywide Parent Council – Co-Chair for 3 years, various Parent Council memberships and Walpole community issues.
Also, the Adoption Connection/Triangle (Boston Chapter), Transition House (DV Shelter), started Domestic Violence Support Group (Cambridge Women Center), Boston Citywide Parent Council – Co-Chair for 3 years, various Parent Council memberships and Walpole community issues.
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